


Never Read the Comments

by kuhlaine



Series: Never Read the Comments / The Youtube Chef Klaine AU [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Secret Relationship, chef!klaine, famous!klaine, youtuber!klaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:41:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuhlaine/pseuds/kuhlaine
Summary: In which Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, and whether or not they're in a relationship, become the Internet's latest obsession.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: Never Read the Comments / The Youtube Chef Klaine AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794505
Comments: 40
Kudos: 233





	Never Read the Comments

**Author's Note:**

> so, this was SUPPOSED to be a Klaine/Bon Appétit AU, but if you haven't read/heard about their absolutely horrible behavior towards their BIPOC staff then I highly encourage you read [this article](https://variety.com/2020/digital/news/bon-appetit-pays-only-white-editors-videos-adam-rapoport-brown-face-1234628027/), and support BA's BIPOC staff, like Sohla, for speaking out!
> 
> but, I spent way too much time working on this to scrap it, so: this is now the "Youtube famous chef Klaine AU."

**Kurt Makes Apple Cider Cronuts | New Directions Test Kitchen**

Uploaded January 13, 2019

1,783,910 views | 2,021 comments | 52k likes 322 dislikes

> _Okay but Blaine has said MULTIPLE times that his fav dessert is cronuts. Coincidence? I think not._
> 
> _Like if you’re watching in 2020!_
> 
> _Kurt Hummel Make a Dessert That Wouldn’t Cost Me Hundreds of Dollars to Make at Home Challenge_
> 
> _Find yourself someone who looks at you the way Blaine Anderson looks at Kurt Hummel <3_
> 
> _“Can you please just shut up and let me work in peace?” once again miss santana lopez is a big mood_
> 
> _The sexual tension between these two is insane holy shit_
> 
> _How could someone possibly thumbs down this video? It's so wholesome!_
> 
> _NOW KISS NOW KISS NOW KISS NOW KISS NOW KISS_
> 
> _not to be that person but does anyone know where Quinn's dress is from? it's so cute!_
> 
> _Petition to get a whole channel of just Kurt making Blaine’s favorite desserts please & thank you_
> 
> _im LIVING for how supportive blaine is of all of kurt’s endeavors_
> 
> _I tried making these myself today and they tasted like dirt :(_
> 
> _Kurt & Blaine are so cute oh my GOD_

* * *

“Is this normal?” Kurt asks as he scrolls so far down through the comments that his computer begins to lag.

“I have no idea,” Blaine replies with a sigh as he continues reading over Kurt’s shoulder — all of the comments beginning to blur together.

“Can you blame them?” Rachel pipes up from her place across the counter, where she’s been chopping cashews for vegan mozzarella for what feels like hours.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt asks indignantly, eyes narrowed at Rachel.

“Well, subtlety has never been either of your strong suits,” she replies casually, never looking up from her cutting board.

“And this is coming from the woman who spent so much time waxing poetically about my step-brother while making cinnamon rolls that the editors had to work overtime just to get the video down to 10 minutes?” Kurt snaps, Blaine not even bothering to hide his amusement.

Rachel slams her knife onto her cutting board, picking the entire thing up with a humph. “I can’t work under these conditions,” she huffs before storming off to the opposite end of the kitchen.

Kurt rolls his eyes once Rachel’s out of his line of vision, propping his chin up on his hand as he continues scrolling. “Are we not subtle?” he asks in a whisper. Rachel’s supersonic hearing has landed them in hot water enough times for him to know when to be cautious.

Blaine shrugs, sliding into the empty stool beside Kurt. “I think so. But you know how people on the Internet can be.”

The laptop in front of them is slammed shut before Kurt can reply — Kurt only just pulling his fingers back in time for them to not be crushed. “Jesus, Santana,” Kurt mutters as he cradles his hand to his chest. “I actually need all of my fingers to cook, you know.”

“Rule number one of the New Directions Test Kitchen: never read the comments,” she states calmly. “Rule number two is don’t fuck your coworker, but clearly you two missed that memo,” she adds, smirking at the sight of her colleagues blushing redder than the bowl of salsa on the counter beside them.

“Great I’ll keep that in mind, now can I have my laptop back?” Kurt snips, extending his hand out to accept his laptop.

“Nope,” she replies with a snarky smile. “Because I know the minute I walk away you’re going to go right back to reading comments. And I’m feeling generous today, so I’m going to do this for you as a favor,” she explains before turning on her heels and walking off, calling out a ‘you’re welcome’ before stepping into her office.

Kurt groans as he lets his head fall against the cool marble countertop, gritting his teeth as he bites back a yelp of pain. He can hear Blaine struggling to stifle a giggle beside him, snapping back up and glaring at his boyfriend.

“Don’t you dare take her side,” he warns, prepared to use his body against Blaine if he has to.

“I won’t, I swear,” Blaine reassures with a laugh, holding his hands up in surrender. He slings an arm low around Kurt’s waist once he knows he’s in the clear, leaning in until their sides are pressed together, warm and firm. “But I do like the idea of you being a rule breaker. Very sexy,” he teases, voice low and just the slightest bit breathy.

“Do you now?” Kurt asks coyly, raising a brow in intrigue.

“Mmhm,” Blaine murmurs, leaning in for a quick, sneaky kiss when Rachel’s shrill voice pierces the moment.

“No kissing in the kitchen!” she shouts from across the room.

They roll their eyes in perfect synchronicity, Blaine childishly poking his tongue out at Rachel before they give up on trying to have a moment of solace — returning to their respective working stations with shy smiles and whispered promises of meeting up at Blaine's apartment after work.

* * *

** Pro Chefs Cook with Their Least Favorite Foods | New Directions Talk **

Uploaded May 05, 2019

3,283,492 views | 5,716 comments | 67k likes 1.1k dislikes

> _Everyone else: I don’t like this food because I once had a bad experience with it. Mercedes: Broccoli reminds me of a toilet brush and I refuse to engage with it._
> 
> _Not to be that person but Kurt was like… really mean to Blaine in this video?_
> 
> _Why is nobody talking about Santana casually dropping that she keeps razor blades in her hair???_
> 
> _This video made my lil Klaine heart hurt :(_
> 
> _Rachel: I’m a vegan so I generally keep an open mind about new foods. Also Rachel: Here’s an alphabetized list of every single food that I hate and why._
> 
> _I stg my heart broke when kurt snapped at blaine for trying to get him to try some of his dish wtf_
> 
> _Tina Cohen Chang is the only chef in this video that deserves rights_
> 
> _I’ve never seen so many fully grown adults get upset over BROCCOLI_
> 
> _Like for Klaine! :)_
> 
> _To whoever commented like for Klaine.... read the room my dude_

* * *

By the time Blaine comes through the door, just after midnight, Kurt’s fingers have begun to cramp from hovering over his trackpad for hours. He’s been telling himself he’s only going to read one more page of comments for the past hour, but here he is — letting the opinions of strangers take up residence in every corner of his mind, nagging his every thought. He thought they'd been doing a commendable job of keeping up professional appearances at the office in the aftermath of their massive, now weeks long feud, but clearly that's not the case if even total strangers can pick up on the obvious tension between them.

His vision has blurred — both from the strain of staring directly at the harsh light of his laptop while sitting in total darkness, and from the countless tears he’s shed over the course of the night.

“Hey,” Blaine croaks out as he sets his bag down. He doesn’t bother switching on any of the lights as he settles into the armchair across from Kurt.

“Hey,” Kurt replies, his voice empty, hollow.

They don’t need light to know how broken the other must look. They can sense it in the sound of each other’s voice, in the stillness of their bodies, in the space between them.

The silence stretches until it feels suffocating — both of them stumbling over words and starts of sentences as they scramble to find just the right thing to say, just the right thing to bring them back together.

In the end, all it takes is “I’m sorry.” Kurt starts first, apologizing for all of the terrible things he said to Blaine in the heat of their argument, his apology devolving into sobs as he begs Blaine to forgive him, vowing he’ll never let himself get in over his head during an argument ever again. Blaine quickly follows suit, promising to never let himself get so upset over something as petty as wiping toothpaste with a hand towel ever again.

Sure, it takes a massive influx of Youtube comments for them to finally put their pride aside and actually _talk_ about everything — but in the end it's what brings them back together. And for that, they're eternally grateful.

They fall asleep on the couch that night, curled up in one another’s arms, illuminated by the dim glow of Kurt’s laptop.

* * *

** Blaine Makes Five Layer Cheesecake | From the Test Kitchen **

Uploaded September 24, 2019

2,318,392 views | 3,829 comments | 58k likes 492 dislikes

> _No one:_ _Literally no one at all:_ _Blaine: “I’m making tiny bowties for decoration.”_
> 
> _Walk me through this: Kurt makes cronuts, Blaine’s favorite dessert and now Blaine is making cheesecake, Kurt’s favorite dessert. And you expect me to believe they’re not in love?! IM DUMB NOT BLIND_
> 
> _Like for Klaine! :)_
> 
> _“Anyone who doesn’t like cheesecake is a monster” okay wow I feel attacked_
> 
> _Omg Quinn going off on Puck in the background bc he messed up her cream puffs we love to see it_
> 
> _Like if you’re watching in 2020!!!_
> 
> _MCSCUSE ME DID BLAINE SAY HES MAKING THIS CHEESECAKE FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION??? HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE KURT STARTED WORKING FOR THE ND KITCHEN?????_
> 
> _Day 589 of asking Blaine to make a video where he just makes his favorite foods into bowtie shapes_
> 
> _Listen I’m not saying that Blaine made this cake specifically for Kurt but… no wait that’s exactly what I’m saying_
> 
> _Blaine: “Today I’m going to be making cheesecake” Kurt: “Oh my sweet lord”_
> 
> _It’s a crime that we didn’t get to see Kurt react to this immaculate creation_

* * *

“Oh my god,” Kurt moans around his first bite. “This is the greatest thing to ever grace the culinary world,” he adds, taking his sweet time sucking on his spoon before diving in for another bite.

“You flatter me,” Blaine teases as he spears a tiny bite for himself. He always takes a certain amount of pride in his test kitchen creations, but this particular dish holds a special place in his heart.

“This isn’t flattery,” Kurt clarifies, letting out yet another unfairly sexy groan around his latest bite. “This is heavenly, amazing, astounding, every positive adjective in the dictionary,” he insists, pulling Blaine in by the tie when he tries to shake off Kurt’s barrage of compliments.

“Happy anniversary,” he whispers against Blaine’s lips before pulling him in for a kiss that tastes like pure sugar and feels like falling in love all over again.

* * *

** Pro Chefs Show You Their Kitchens | The New Directions Take a New Direction (From Home) **

Uploaded April 8, 2020

2,139,526 views | 6,164 comments | 51k likes 474 dislikes

> _Everyone else’s kitchen: Normal, sleek, clean. Rachel’s kitchen: Has 7 framed pictures of Barbra Streisand._
> 
> _Someone please stop me I just spent twenty minutes trying to figure out if Kurt has all the same spices Blaine has in his kitchen_
> 
> _Okay why does everyone have such fancy kitchens when they live in NYC???_
> 
> _Unpopular opinion: Tina is by far the most relatable ND chef_
> 
> _I totally didn’t cry when I realized this means Kurt and Blaine don’t live together. Yup. Totally. Didn’t cry AT ALL_
> 
> _Why is Quinn’s cat the most regal looking creature of all time?_
> 
> _Kurt getting excited over his knife collection is so cute oh my god I love him so FUCKING much_
> 
> _1 Like = 1 pet for Beth Whiskers Fabray_
> 
> _Blaine said he’s back home in Ohio for quarantine and Kurt said he’s sticking around in NYC for a little bit longer…….. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions………_
> 
> _Santana speaking Spanish gets me going like nothing else can_
> 
> _Shout out to Tina for having a junk drawer like any other regular person_

* * *

“So, how has your first week back been?” Kurt asks, even if he already knows the answer.

They’ve been texting practically nonstop since Blaine left their apartment the previous week. Normally Kurt would hate being so dependent on his phone, but it’s the longest he and Blaine have been apart in months and he’s been so _lonely_. If he didn’t have Blaine to text he’s pretty sure he would've started talking to his dress form by now.

Blaine doesn’t bother with a reply — instead he wrinkles his nose and pouts, earning an undignified snort from Kurt. “That bad, huh?” he teases.

“If Cooper so much as says the name Michael Bay one more time I’m going to strangle him,” Blaine says with a groan. Kurt can’t honestly remember the last time he’s seen Blaine so annoyed, but then again, Cooper has always known just how to get under his baby brother’s skin.

“Does this mean I won that bet?” Kurt asks with a smirk, giggling when Blaine shoots him a dirty look. He can’t help it — he’d been so confident that Blaine would be at his wits end within a week of moving back to Lima that he was willing to bet $20 on it.

“No, because it’s been a week and a day,” he replies smugly.

“Oh come on, that’s not fair!” Kurt protests, pouting when Blaine shakes his head adamantly.

“You can pout all you want, but I’m staying $20 richer.”

Kurt holds his pout for as long as he can, only giving in when Blaine starts pouting right back at him, successfully cracking Kurt’s restraint as he struggles to contain his laughter.

“I miss you so much,” Blaine whispers as he watches Kurt laugh with those kind amber eyes that Kurt loves so goddamn much.

“I miss you too,” Kurt replies softly, his entire body relaxing into the comfort of Blaine’s voice.

“Two more weeks?” Blaine asks, his smile hopeful.

“Two more weeks,” Kurt echoes, marveling at the way his heart still races at the mere thought of being close to Blaine, even after all this time.

* * *

** Pro Chefs Share Their Favorite Coffee Recipes | The New Directions Take a New Direction (From Home) **

Uploaded May 18, 2020

3,321,598 views | 8,714 comments | 65k likes 412 dislikes

> _KURT AND BLAINE ARE IN THE SAME HOUSE I REPEAT KURT AND BLAINE ARE IN THE SAME HOUSE I REPEAT KURT AND BLAI_
> 
> _Wow how rude who’s cutting onions while I’m trying to watch this totally normal video?_
> 
> _Santana putting whiskey in her morning coffee is such a 2020 mood._
> 
> _Kurt knows Blaine’s coffee order :’)_
> 
> _Petition for Tina to be in more ND videos!_

> _Like for Klaine!!!!_
> 
> _no offense to Quinn, I love her so much, but that whipped coffee looks straight up nasty_
> 
> _I have spent MONTHS waiting for Klaine to happen and now its HAPPENING and IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF_
> 
> _Does this... does this mean we're going to be getting actual Klaine content now?_
> 
> _"I like my coffee as black as my soul" wow Santana being a mood yet again_
> 
> _KLAINE: CONFIRMED_
> 
> _Everyone: drinks either regular coffee or lattes. Rachel: drinks imported tea that takes 15 minutes to make_
> 
> _WEE WOO KURT AND BLAINE ARE ADORABLE BOYFRIENDS ITS CONFIRMED_
> 
> _Lol @ Puck grinding his coffee in a weed grinder_
> 
> _Me watching this video: :) me realizing klaine is confirmed: :’)_

* * *

Santana texts both of them within ten minutes of the video going up.

_You guys should read the comments. Just this once._

So they do. They curl up on the couch in the Hummel family’s living room, propping up Blaine’s laptop on their knees. Blaine rests his head on Kurt’s shoulder as they scroll in silence, taking in the hundreds upon hundreds of comments that continue pouring in with each passing minute. Key smashes, melt downs, unadulterated excitement, all because of them. All because of their love for one another.

It feels like a weight off of their shoulders — all of the hours they spent agonizing over whether this was the right decision, over whether they were ready for this, over whether they were ready for the world to know about the most important part of their lives don’t feel so silly anymore.

“I love you,” Blaine murmurs, his breath warm against the column of Kurt’s neck as he places a soft, chaste kiss just below his jaw.

“I love you too,” he replies, setting the laptop aside so he can pull Blaine in for a proper kiss.

* * *

** Pro Chef Learns How to Cook Octopus | New Directions Spotlight: Meet Kurt Hummel! **

Uploaded March 17, 2018

3,143,194 views | 6,281 comments | 71k likes 213 dislikes

> _Like if you’re watching this in 2020!_
> 
> _Day 33 of asking Blaine to make a video where he just makes his favorite foods into bowtie shapes_
> 
> _Omg we literally get to see Kurt & Blaine meeting for the first time ever!!! _
> 
> _This hits so different now wow_
> 
> _I’m not a vegetarian or anything but something about this video makes me feel really grossed out_
> 
> _Blaine seriously deserves his own show he’s so goddamn charming_
> 
> _Santana ships Klaine and you can’t convince me otherwise_
> 
> _Kurt apologizes for freaking out in his first ever Test Kitchen video when I would’ve legit passed out if I was even in the same room as an octopus_
> 
> _Blaine called Kurt adorable within .03 seconds of meeting him YOU’RE NOT SUBTLE SIR_
> 
> _Kurt fits in so well already!_
> 
> _Only Blaine Anderson can make cooking an octopus look easy_
> 
> _Am I going nuts or do Kurt and Blaine have like… insane next level chemistry?_
> 
> _I just had a whole bowl of popcorn but suddenly I’m reeeeeally hungry again_
> 
> _“Oh, there you are.” THAT'S YOUR FUTURE BOYFRIEND MOTHER FUCKER_

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! and if there's any interest in seeing any other entries into this verse please absolutely let me know! :)


End file.
